So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
