Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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