Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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