brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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