I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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