Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize