You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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