Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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