Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
