Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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