areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
