I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize