How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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