I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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