I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
