lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When are your genitals available?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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