I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
