You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The air was thick with penises
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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