i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
