Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
