She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
