Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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