Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
