People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
