So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
