I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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