you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
