woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
