More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think my tv is drunk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im six kinds of drunk right now
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
