He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
