my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Everything about him screamed your future.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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