? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize