two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
