I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize