I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
