One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
