I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
