Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
