Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
