I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
