the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize