dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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