I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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