I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
