Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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