the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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