who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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