my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize