she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
