At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
