me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
