that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Randomize
