If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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