I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize