I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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