I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
