I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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