no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
