This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
