Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You're like the curious george of whores
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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