I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
