Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
