so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
