why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
