Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
