Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
