where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
