if you like me you must not know who I am
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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