Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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