my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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