it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You were trust falling into bushes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
